i think of you, [all of you] in faint white light so far away now.
you finger painting my waist with such light strokes
you elongating my spine with bath like kisses
you grasping for life on petite shaped hips, a part of me
i think of what you saw….what you felt….to keep you there.
swan like S across my back pressed…
i think of how such a blunt girl can become so demure in these moments.
living every perpetuated childhood taboo amongst wrinkled linens…
i think of how i’m not meant for this sort of thing.
i think of my delicateness…
i see the faintness….
i think of how….
i hadn’t seen or felt in weeks
yet in that space i regained self
the act of blocking out emotion in order to move forward is so very
puzzling, yet its the answer i’ve been searching for.
i become this enigmatic creature tucking away that trace
of vulnerability….i close you out with the friendliest of smiles.
i stop the rawness, i stop the compassion, i stop trying to nurture
with my all. I just stop showing you my best, which for me was
just being there. taking the ease of free radical thought from you,
letting you know your voice of reason was where it needed to be.
it stopped. because you stopped.
and i dunno if i’ll be able to pull that back,
when you come crawling back.
feeling myself today
flylo will release tracks from his new album You’re Dead at FYF this weekend. its been too long babe, i’m beyond stoked.
its really quite amazing what has been revealed to me in the last few days.
i swear summers are when i grow the most, its ideal idle time where i’m not
worried about things like tests and studying. sure i go to work still, but i’m
experiencing all the while.
i’ve always been the type to learn the greater lesson in a situation momentarily
after i get burned…yet when my hand is approaching the fire I really do not see
it at all. that being said i snagged a burn this time around and decided to dwell in emotion of “loss”. a certain union with a certain person completed its course right on schedule with the
universe’s greater plan and like a baby I chose to pout over spilled milk. I knew right off the
bat that it was no harm no foul & a case of enter in exit out. i enjoyed the time spent and it
should be left at that. I guess I called myself expecting a bit more.
although in the back of my head i knew i had to let it go i reached out to those around me
for advise and console. the amount of love and overall wisdom dropped on me made me see myself differently and the situation entirely. so much to be said, too much to unlearn, this much to accept. i saw just how strong the support around me is even from my non-close friends. everyone was echoing the same thing: trust self, guide self, and center self. be un-phased by unsettling encounters with others and center in on your own life.
all this talk about self preservation….
it’s time to live up to the morals i know i should be upholding.
today [my] foolishness ends.